I realized the other day that I have been in the FSM for more months than I have left in my service. This eye-opening realization as well as my past month helping with training, has led me to reflect upon my first year of service, what I've gained and the lessons I've learned. As I joked in an earlier post, the movie Moana is an accurate representation of my life on Kosrae, so I've decided to use the amazing lyrics to help explain 6 lessons I've learned or insights I've gained from my first year of Peace Corps service.
Lesson 1: "You can find happiness right where you are" - Where You Are
or "Conditions of Hardship" Really Aren't All That Hard.
Lesson 1: "You can find happiness right where you are" - Where You Are
or "Conditions of Hardship" Really Aren't All That Hard.
One of the core expectations of Peace Corps is that volunteers will "[s]erve where the Peace Corps asks [them] to go, under conditions of hardship if necessary, and with the flexibility needed for effective service." This essentially means that where you will be living might not be like your home in the States and may lack certain amenities, electricity, running water, etc. that we take for granted in the States. My site, Walung, is considered an outer island site by Post and has what many would consider "conditions of hardship." I have no electricity, my running water is from a river and undrinkable, my shower and toilet are outside the house (but enclosed), my drinking water is from a catchment, and I'm rather isolated from the rest of the island. Now, I recognize that these conditions are certainly much nicer than what many people around the world have and there might be other PCVs in different countries who have conditions worse than mine, but for my Post, these can be considered "conditions of hardship."
I remember when I first learned about Walung that I was a weird mix of excited and terrified. While I have regularly gone on camping trips my entire life and am accustomed to spending time without electricity, running water, or cell reception, those trips were never very long, the longest trip was two weeks, I am also very much a child of the technology age and am used to being able to walk into a room after sundown, flip a switch, and have light. Now, I was about to spend the next two years living in a community where I wouldn't have access to things that I had previously taken for granted. On one hand, I couldn't wait to push my boundaries and test my limits. I was excited to experience something completely unlike everything I had grown used to. On the other hand, I was thinking, what have I gotten myself into? Would I be able to adjust? How could I go from living with constant access to electricity, internet, and clean running water, to, what seemed like at the time, nothing? I was scared that I wouldn't be able to handle the adjustment to a new way of living and I would quit.
Now, after not even a year of living in Walung, I am used to not having electricity, to taking showers outside, and only having internet once a month. Staying on Pohnpei at the moment, it's a little strange having electricity all the time and not having to worry about conserving the electricity from the solar panels. I've also found that constant access to internet is stressing me out and am very much looking forward to returning to Walung and my lack of "normal" amenities. I am quite happy living without conveniences that I formally took for granted.
I've learned that I'm a lot more adaptable than I previously thought and have learned that no matter where you are, either actual physical location or in the journey of life, it truly is possible to find happiness, and much of that comes from your perspective and outlook.
Lesson 2: "Consider the coconut / The what / Consider its tree / We use each part of the coconut / That's all we need" - Where You Are
or You Don't Need A Lot of Stuff
One of the hardest part of preparing for Peace Corps is packing. You are allotted two checked bags, 50 pounds each, and two carry-on bags, to bring the clothes and other supplies you'll need for the next two years. Fortunately, the FSM only has one season, summer, so unlike other PC countries, Mongolia for example, I didn't need to pack heavy duty winter clothes as well as summer clothes. Nonetheless, I was definitely stressed about packing and bringing everything I thought I might need. Over the past year, wearing the same 10 skirts and 12 or so shirts on rotation, living with a host family that doesn't have knick-knacks, and watching kids in Walung play ping pong using a piece of plywood propped on an old desk, with a two by four as a 'net' and handmade ping pong paddles, or fish by wrapping line around an empty beer bottle or soda can, I've realized that 'stuff' really isn't important. Sure, I've heard truisms like material things can't make you happy, and read articles about how many, frankly, useless possessions Americans, in general, have but I never really and truly thought about it until now.
Coming from a country where people with cell phones in perfect working condition will start lining up outside Apple stores at 4 in the morning to get the latest upgrade to a country where children play games with nothing more than lines drawn in the sand has truly opened my eyes to how materialistic the Western world has become. Sure, there are days when I get really tired of wearing the same things all the time, or I would love to lie down on a couch, but at the end of the day, things are just that, things. What matters more is your family, your friends, and your experiences. Not having a lot of 'things' means that kids in Walung have to be more creative and inventive in their games. I'm constantly blown away by how inventive the kids can be and am honestly amazed at what they're able to create.
While I've never been someone to place a lot of emphasis on objects, I didn't get a smart phone until after I graduated from college, I'm certainly much more aware of the things I own now and whether or not they are truly meaningful or empty objects. Going forward, I see myself being much more conscious of what I own and making smarter choices about what I decide to buy.
Lesson 3: "We share everything we make, we make" - Where You Are
or Community is Incredibly Important and Sharing Really is Caring
One of the many things I love about Walung is how close everyone is in the community. Within 24 hours of my arrival in Walung, I'm convinced that everyone knew who I was, where I was from, and how many people were in my family in the States. Community and family really are everything in Kosrae and nothing shows this more clearly than the cultural norm of offering food to anyone who walks past your house. On my 5 minute walk from my school to my house I normally hear at least two offers of food, every day, no matter how many times I say that I'm either not hungry, or going to eat right now. It doesn't matter to my community members whether or not I'll eat, what matters is that they care about me and are showing it by offering me food. In a society where food scarcity used to be, and still can be, a real concern, offering food to your neighbors is the ultimate sign of caring.
Another tradition is to share food among community members. My host family for example, will make a lot of breadfruit in our um (traditional fireplace) on Saturday to eat on Sunday and will often share our breadfruit with other families and receive traditional cooked bread (which is delicious) or other dishes. Sharing food is the Kosraean way of showing that you care about a person.
The importance of community in Walung is also evident in other ways. Community members will go fishing together, share extra fish they caught with their neighbors, or help with building projects. Almost every Saturday is spent working at the church and almost every community member is there, including the little kids. When my host family was re-roofing our traditional kitchen, various community members stopped by to help make the thatching or worked with my host brothers to place the thatching. All of this work was done with no expectation of reward or recompense. Community members help each other, it's just the way it is.
I've always placed an incredible amount of emphasis on family and believe that strong family relationships are incredibly important and know that I wouldn't be who I am or where I am today if not for my family. Until now, however, I hadn't thought much about the importance of community. My experiences this year have taught me that community is almost, if not just, as important as family and helping others for no reason other than that they are your neighbor or community member is a reward in and of itself. In a world that is growing increasingly polarized and with countries shutting their borders to refugees fleeing wars and terrorism, it's time for all of us to remember how important community is and that community extends far beyond your neighborhood, city, or even your country. Our world truly has become an international community and when we remember that and do our best to help our most disadvantaged community members we will all be the better for it.
Lesson 4: "We read the wind and the sky when the sun is high / We sail the lengths of the seas on the ocean breeze" - We Know the Way
or Have Patience.
I admit, the lyrics here are a bit of stretch but I figure that sailing across the vast expanse of the Pacific Ocean looking for islands has to test one's patience. I freely acknowledge that I am not always an incredibly patient individual. I get easily frustrated when things don't work out the way I want, often want immediate results, and have trouble understanding why things can't be the way I want when I want. At least, that was me before serving in the Peace Corps for a year.
While I still get impatient at times, I do believe that I have become more patient than I was before and much more understanding when things don't work out. I've adopted a much more laid back approach to life when things don't work out, since things rarely work out the way you want them to here. Instead of stressing myself out and feeling like a failure, I know shrug, tell myself that it sucks and is unfortunate, and then get ready to wait. Things rarely work out exactly how you want or when you want and I've had to adjust my personality and outlook to mirror that. I've really come to embrace the philosophy that life is too short and instead of worrying about things I can't change. As an example, I planned a project in my community that required four different colors of paint and since I rarely leave my community, I asked another community member to get the paint for me. When I finally received the paint, the three cans that were meant to be colored, were white, no color had been added. While I was understandable a little upset, I had been trying to complete this project for 4 or 5 months at this point, I shrugged, asked that if he or she had a chance, could they pick up the colored paint the next time they were in town, and got ready to wait. Two months later, I'm still waiting. I'll hopefully be able to complete the project around the start of school, which I'm okay with. In the grand scheme of things, as long as the project gets done, what's the big deal of a few months wait?
Lesson 5: "I am everything I've learned and more / Still it calls me / And the call isn't out there at all / It's inside me" - I Am Moana
or I Have a Better Idea of Who I Am and What I Want to do With my Life
Similar to many 20-something-year-olds out there, I still don't really know what I want to do with my life. One of the reasons I joined Peace Corps was to contribute meaningfully to the world while giving myself the chance to really think about who I am and what I want out of my life. Prior to joining the Peace Corps, I was considering a job in education, but having had no classroom experience, I wasn't sure if that was what I really wanted to do. I figured that the Peace Corps would let me know for sure if teaching was right for me and, if it wasn't, give me time to reflect on my life as well as many opportunities to do other projects that might lead me in the right direction.
Now, a year into my service, I've come to the conclusion that teaching probably isn't in my future, at least not teaching English, and while I'm still not sure the exact career I want, I know that I want something that is international and helps others. I know that I can't spend my life working in a 9-5 office job that doesn't provide meaningful work. I know that there's still so much world out there and I want to see and experience as much of it as I can. I know that I am incredibly privileged to have received the opportunities and education that I have and that I have the ability and opportunity to help others help themselves and I could not live with myself if I was too selfish to do so. I know that our world's problems are complex and multi-faceted and won't be easily solved. But I also know that they will never be solved if we're too scared by their complexity to even attempt a solution. I know that my future is wide open and it's up to me to decide its direction. Whether all of this means working for an international non-profit or NGO, or for the US government in some other international capacity, I don't yet know but I have plenty more time to think about it and will, hopefully, have it figured out by this time next year.
Lesson 6: "And yes I know that I can go / There's a moon in the sky and the wind is behind me / Soon I'll know how far I'll go" -How Far I'll Go Reprise
or I Am Much Stronger Than I Realized
One of my most treasured belongings is a necklace my parents gave me for Christmas a few years ago inscribed with a quote from Christopher Robin that reads "promise me you'll always remember you're braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think." While I always try to have the self-confidence the necklace implores me to have, there are times when I doubt myself, like most people. One of those times of self doubt was spring of last year. Prior to coming to Micronesia, I freely admit now, as I didn't then, that I was terrified. I was scared that I wouldn't be able to handle the pressures and stresses that come with Peace Corps service and that I would early terminate (ET). I was scared that I wouldn't be able to integrate into my community and would spend two years being absolutely miserable. I was terrified that I was making the worst decision possible and was about to waste two years of my life and have nothing to show for it when I came home. I was worried that I wouldn't be able to cope with not having regular contact with my family and friends. Mostly, though, I was scared that I was going to be a failure.
A year later I have faced those fears and come out the stronger for it. Yes, this past year has been incredibly difficult at times and there are times when I wonder if what I'm doing is making a difference or if I wouldn't be happier back home. There are times when nothing seems to go right and all I want is to hear my mom's voice telling me it will be okay or my dad telling me that this whole thing is just AFGE (another freaking growth experience). I want my brothers to give me advice on how to handle a certain situation or my friends to make me laugh. But, I can't call my parents, or ask my brothers for help, or have my friends tease me. Instead, I have myself and my host family and community. I've learned to rely on myself for guidance and encouragement, to pick myself when I fall, and to remind myself, that yes, I am making a difference, and absolutely yes, this was worth it. I've learned to let my host family and community help me, even if it's just playing and laughing with the kids for an hour when I'm having a rough time. At the end of the day, I am stronger than my fears and so much more capable than I believed myself to be. I am confident that no matter what life throws my way, I'll be able to handle it, with or without help.
